He's so ugly, his family photos hang themselves!

He's a humble man - with much to be humble about.

Hey Jackson, I got a twenty with your name on it!

The early worm gets the bird.

He's a true Renaissance man - he's stuck in the 15th century!

He invented the 'drown proof' swimming pool - it's filled with Martinis - the lower you sink the hjigher you get!

You can't get ahead while you're getting even.

When elephants start dancing it's best for mice to step aside.

He's a man who couild have been great - except he wasn't very good.

My 'get up and go' got up and went!

Nitrates are usually lower than day rates.

That's a Trojan horse of a different color!

Science is golden.

That only works in the case where you can do it.

Can I help it if I can't help it?

He couldn't be a seeing eye man for a blind dog.

An optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds - a pessimist thinks he may be right!

Never give a robot an even break.

The difference between a drunk and an alcholic is a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings.

A politician should always be sincere - whether he means it or not!

Stranger than friction!

Things are going to be a lot more like they used to be then they ever were before!

I told him he was nuts for going for that insanity defense.

When it comes to women, I've always been a sucker for large breasts.